There is a part of town where you only have to mention it's name, and you will receive a sympathetic nod.
There the people have few teeth. It is not uncommon to have to chase off roving bands of large wild dogs. Dead cats bloat in the ditches beside the road. You can peek through the cracks in the walls. You have to climb over the stack of washing machines to get up the telephone pole. I have had conversations with customers about how hard it is to quit meth, and how he plans to go buy some after I leave. I have been informed about what it means to be a Juggalo, and I acted like I didn't know just to hear him talk.
It is an interesting part of town.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
The ugliest thing you've ever seen
There has been two instances in which a customer asked me if I wanted to see the ugliest thing I have ever seen.
The first was in a dilapidated apartment complex. I forget what the problem was, but the customer was in the center of the room in a wheel chair. She asked the question. I was stunned, and worried what I was about to see next, when she lifted her shirt up. In between her bra cups, was a kind of gap. Where the sternum should be was a soft spot, and you could see her heart or organs moving behind it. The lighting of the room made her pale skin take on a greenish hue.
The second time was pretty cool actually. Two people in chairs wave me in the front door. They were like the grandparents in Willy Wonka, and didn't get up...seeming to live in the chairs. They had mini fridges nearby.
Their issue was the his and hers televisions. If she changed the channel to her tv on the right side of the room, his tv on the left side would change channels also. For the fix I cut up some soda boxes they had, and made an infrared directional tube to direct only their remotes at their tvs. While fixing I was standing next to an empty terrarium. Noticing my puzzled look, the man told me. "Ya, I had a pet cobra."
I look at him.
Without any sign of sarcasm. "He's around here somewhere, let me know if you see him."
I about flip out. I'm looking all over for the hiding cobra, and both he and her start laughing.
That is when she asks. I tell them, "I've seen some ugly things. I don't know if I do or not."
She points me over to a salt water aquarium. Inside was one of those large sucker fish, and it had tentacles all over its head.
I smile. "Nope, not the ugliest thing I've ever seen."
The first was in a dilapidated apartment complex. I forget what the problem was, but the customer was in the center of the room in a wheel chair. She asked the question. I was stunned, and worried what I was about to see next, when she lifted her shirt up. In between her bra cups, was a kind of gap. Where the sternum should be was a soft spot, and you could see her heart or organs moving behind it. The lighting of the room made her pale skin take on a greenish hue.
The second time was pretty cool actually. Two people in chairs wave me in the front door. They were like the grandparents in Willy Wonka, and didn't get up...seeming to live in the chairs. They had mini fridges nearby.
Their issue was the his and hers televisions. If she changed the channel to her tv on the right side of the room, his tv on the left side would change channels also. For the fix I cut up some soda boxes they had, and made an infrared directional tube to direct only their remotes at their tvs. While fixing I was standing next to an empty terrarium. Noticing my puzzled look, the man told me. "Ya, I had a pet cobra."
I look at him.
Without any sign of sarcasm. "He's around here somewhere, let me know if you see him."
I about flip out. I'm looking all over for the hiding cobra, and both he and her start laughing.
That is when she asks. I tell them, "I've seen some ugly things. I don't know if I do or not."
She points me over to a salt water aquarium. Inside was one of those large sucker fish, and it had tentacles all over its head.
I smile. "Nope, not the ugliest thing I've ever seen."
Native
Installing government paid for phone at a residence. The place was hard to find. It wasn't a house, but a tin shed, with an add on. He was an old Native American, and his two adult children lived with him. Nearby was a cleared foundation. He tells me how his house burned down two years ago, and the tribe said they would rebuild it. They had been putting him off the entire time. They shared a single room, and it was littered with garbage, and had beds on the floor. While leaving, I noticed a bath tub filled with soapy water. I hadn't noticed it because it was hidden from the road by a sheet of plywood.
Father, son and daughter were all missing numerous teeth.
Father, son and daughter were all missing numerous teeth.
Very odd Couple
Our company does alarms now. I am hooking one up for a couple and noticed peculiarities in the house. They want several closet doors rigged with sensors, which I have never heard of before. The job itself is easy. The weird thing was the man and the woman. The entire time I was there they referred to each other as Bro, and Sis. When I was getting near to done, they were sitting on the couch in the living room watching television and holding hands. As I walked back and forth hooking up rooms, I caught them out of the corner of my eye kissing several times.
I usually don't jump to conclusions, and just figured they had weird pet names.
My friend went back out there to hook up more televisions a week later. He said their mom was there, confirmed brother and sister, and he saw the kissing also.
I usually don't jump to conclusions, and just figured they had weird pet names.
My friend went back out there to hook up more televisions a week later. He said their mom was there, confirmed brother and sister, and he saw the kissing also.
Can I help you
Disconnects are a great way to start the day. You don't have to talk to anyone, and it lets you get to a job at 8 am with no drama.
I arrive at a disconnect and park in the circle court of a dead end street. I put out my cones, and am getting my tool belt on when the neighbor drives up and parks near me. He gets out, and approaches.
"Can I help you?" he asks, with anger in his brows.
"Nope." I smile and start walking toward the pedestal, my van clicking locked.
"You can't park there!" He replies.
I look back at my van., and then at him. "Yes, I can."
"I'm going to call the cops!"
"Ok." still walking to do the job, approaching the fence. "Call em, I'll be done and gone in 10 minutes."
Grumbling. "Oh, Ok. If you're not gone in 10 minutes, I'll have them out here!" and he storms off.
I get done, and sit there for 15 minutes. I notice him looking out window, and smile.
The guy had a theft tag on his line, which marked him as having been a previous stealer of cable at some point.
I arrive at a disconnect and park in the circle court of a dead end street. I put out my cones, and am getting my tool belt on when the neighbor drives up and parks near me. He gets out, and approaches.
"Can I help you?" he asks, with anger in his brows.
"Nope." I smile and start walking toward the pedestal, my van clicking locked.
"You can't park there!" He replies.
I look back at my van., and then at him. "Yes, I can."
"I'm going to call the cops!"
"Ok." still walking to do the job, approaching the fence. "Call em, I'll be done and gone in 10 minutes."
Grumbling. "Oh, Ok. If you're not gone in 10 minutes, I'll have them out here!" and he storms off.
I get done, and sit there for 15 minutes. I notice him looking out window, and smile.
The guy had a theft tag on his line, which marked him as having been a previous stealer of cable at some point.
Slow Internet
I arrive at a couple's house. He has tattoo's and military paraphernalia around the house. She has a neck tattoo.
They are complaining that their internet is slow. Before I walked up to the house I was able to see their modem is newer, Docsis 3, and that it has good signal/ up for 23 days. The odds are really likely that their computers or equipment is the issue. I explained this over the phone. 15 minutes talking to her, and she decided ya come out, even if there is a charge.
I show up, test the signal. My meter shows 190 mbps down, and 40 mbps up. That is ridiculous. On their xbox he gets 44 down, and 3 up. On her computer 44 down, and 3 up. Odd. I know its not the signal, so investigate the modem. I lift it up, and roaches crawl out. I shake it, and roach dust/carapaces fall out. I tell her, it's not the cable, it's the equipment. I then proceed to inform her how roaches like the glue in electronics, and proper sanitation techniques.
They are complaining that their internet is slow. Before I walked up to the house I was able to see their modem is newer, Docsis 3, and that it has good signal/ up for 23 days. The odds are really likely that their computers or equipment is the issue. I explained this over the phone. 15 minutes talking to her, and she decided ya come out, even if there is a charge.
I show up, test the signal. My meter shows 190 mbps down, and 40 mbps up. That is ridiculous. On their xbox he gets 44 down, and 3 up. On her computer 44 down, and 3 up. Odd. I know its not the signal, so investigate the modem. I lift it up, and roaches crawl out. I shake it, and roach dust/carapaces fall out. I tell her, it's not the cable, it's the equipment. I then proceed to inform her how roaches like the glue in electronics, and proper sanitation techniques.
Conservatives
Walking up a long driveway, I notice the George Bush 04' sticker on the car. Sure enough, the guy answers the door slightly agitated. Fox News is playing in the background. I ask about the problem with the internet. He tells me it's slow. I ask to see the modem, and he has his son lead me upstairs to the attic....no modem in the attic.
I ask the son, where is the router location. The son, "Oh ya," takes me to the router location, but the dad stops me, upset. He didn't know I had to access the room, even though that is where the modem/computers are, and it is the sole reason I was there. Radio shack splitters, on line to modem. I take them off and it works fine.
I have dealt with many conservatives, and know the warning signs. Heightened aggression, crosses all over the house, republican paraphernalia, Fox News, and when I see any of these I go into hyper careful mode. I tone down my vocabulary and explain how cable works as if I were talking to a 3 year old. I become super polite, as any swift move or large word will set them off. I do the minimum to complete the job and get out of there. Very rarely am I able to have any meaningful conversation with them. It is mostly, "Let me tell you about everything I think is important, and ignore your presence," or I am just the help.
The treat them as if they are special technique has proven to work wonders, with minimal stress.
I ask the son, where is the router location. The son, "Oh ya," takes me to the router location, but the dad stops me, upset. He didn't know I had to access the room, even though that is where the modem/computers are, and it is the sole reason I was there. Radio shack splitters, on line to modem. I take them off and it works fine.
I have dealt with many conservatives, and know the warning signs. Heightened aggression, crosses all over the house, republican paraphernalia, Fox News, and when I see any of these I go into hyper careful mode. I tone down my vocabulary and explain how cable works as if I were talking to a 3 year old. I become super polite, as any swift move or large word will set them off. I do the minimum to complete the job and get out of there. Very rarely am I able to have any meaningful conversation with them. It is mostly, "Let me tell you about everything I think is important, and ignore your presence," or I am just the help.
The treat them as if they are special technique has proven to work wonders, with minimal stress.
Ground hornets
I arrive at a residence, duplex, to fix an issue with the television. The guy on one side of the house is wired into the other, and is stealing cable. The backfeed from his crap wires are screwing up the digital television in the subscribed person's house.
That is all standard stuff, the cool thing about this work order was the yard outside. All across the yard, yellow and black striped wasps were hovering over the ground. It was like a grid, I had to carry my ladder through the yard, and just walked between them as they hovered in place. I even called a nearby friend/coworker to come out and see this. I completed the entire job, walking through them repeatedly, and not a one moved to attack. They just kept on hovering as if I wasn't there. There were hundreds of them. Ground wasp
That's what they looked like. I found out more about them at a museum in St. Louis.
That is all standard stuff, the cool thing about this work order was the yard outside. All across the yard, yellow and black striped wasps were hovering over the ground. It was like a grid, I had to carry my ladder through the yard, and just walked between them as they hovered in place. I even called a nearby friend/coworker to come out and see this. I completed the entire job, walking through them repeatedly, and not a one moved to attack. They just kept on hovering as if I wasn't there. There were hundreds of them. Ground wasp
Winter Time
Ice storm, lines down all over town. Most cable guys can't get out of their neighborhoods, but I made it out, and am out fixing what I can. Day is light, work is sporadic and all over town.
I have a work order for phone being out, and the name on the work order is old. I have to get out there and fix it, no telling if this old lady is in trouble, as there isn't a cell phone to ring her. Her house is on the far side of town out in the country.
To get there, I have to go down a hill in a suburb. I ease down the ice, slow and steady. I let gravity move me, and hold off as much as I can on the break, no gas. The van starts to spin around. I am sideways, looking out the passenger window down the hill. I keep sliding. There is a car parked at the curb coming up. I floor it, wheels spinning, and manage to slide past the car, my bumper an inch away. I come to a stop at the bottom of the hill, awesome!
I arrive at the old ladies house and plug her phone into the wall. Problem fixed. Was happy for the awesome successful sideways slide, didn't get pissed.
I have a work order for phone being out, and the name on the work order is old. I have to get out there and fix it, no telling if this old lady is in trouble, as there isn't a cell phone to ring her. Her house is on the far side of town out in the country.
To get there, I have to go down a hill in a suburb. I ease down the ice, slow and steady. I let gravity move me, and hold off as much as I can on the break, no gas. The van starts to spin around. I am sideways, looking out the passenger window down the hill. I keep sliding. There is a car parked at the curb coming up. I floor it, wheels spinning, and manage to slide past the car, my bumper an inch away. I come to a stop at the bottom of the hill, awesome!
I arrive at the old ladies house and plug her phone into the wall. Problem fixed. Was happy for the awesome successful sideways slide, didn't get pissed.
Friday, September 19, 2014
The proper way to tip
Working for a cable company, we technicians are not supposed to receive tips. If you ask us, we will tell you, no it's ok, please don't. I have said this to many many people, and turned down lots of extra cash, because if I get caught taking tips it would be detrimental to my working status.
I was doing an install at an apartment when the age old question came up, can you run cords to all the other rooms in the apartment that don't have outlets. The guy was a Russian, thick accent, awesome to listen to, but I still had to turn him down because it is against MDU policy (which was covered in a previous post.)
The guy BS'd with me for a while, stating how hard it would be for his wife to not have tv etc while I was installing his internet. He didn't hassle or get upset, just talked about what it was like in his shoes. I apologized again as I made my way to leave after the job was complete. The guy sticks his hand out, looks me in the eye, and smiles while he shook my hand. He didn't say anything, but I could feel the cash pressed between our palms. I smiled back, "You know, I may have some extra cable laying around that I'm not using. What gets hooked up after I'm gone isn't on me."
He nodded, and patted me on the back while I went and made him some long jumpers for the other bedrooms.
Mafia style FTW.
I was doing an install at an apartment when the age old question came up, can you run cords to all the other rooms in the apartment that don't have outlets. The guy was a Russian, thick accent, awesome to listen to, but I still had to turn him down because it is against MDU policy (which was covered in a previous post.)
The guy BS'd with me for a while, stating how hard it would be for his wife to not have tv etc while I was installing his internet. He didn't hassle or get upset, just talked about what it was like in his shoes. I apologized again as I made my way to leave after the job was complete. The guy sticks his hand out, looks me in the eye, and smiles while he shook my hand. He didn't say anything, but I could feel the cash pressed between our palms. I smiled back, "You know, I may have some extra cable laying around that I'm not using. What gets hooked up after I'm gone isn't on me."
He nodded, and patted me on the back while I went and made him some long jumpers for the other bedrooms.
Mafia style FTW.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
MDU policy
MDU stands for multiple dwelling unit. Basically it means apartments. There are two main rules when installing cable in apartments, and they are: Do not run lines where there is foot traffic, no going in front of doors, or across paths. Do not damage walls. The reason behind both is liability. Once upon a time someone tripped and sued the company, and now we can't run cable more than 10 ft away from a cable jack. Another is damaging walls allows apartments to sue.
These 2 rules create a dilemma. Lots of ghetto apartments have one cable jack only, in the living room. Everyone who moves in wants all 4 rooms hooked up, but can only have the living room installed. I have had entire families of section 8 dwellers screaming at me to hook up the other rooms, and I have to shrug and say sorry.
One time a woman was hysterical. She was on the phone with her auntie yelling how much of a douche I was. As I was hooking up her stuff in the living room, her 3 year old snuck up and tried to pick pocket my wallet.
I finished the install and stepped out. She was still yelling on the phone while walking between the other 4 rooms as I left.
I have to tell the rules to about 2 people a week. I'm not going to endanger my job because you want your kids to have tv's in their rooms. How about you sell the tv's, get rid of cable, and go buy a house with a yard away and some space. Your kids will thank you.
These 2 rules create a dilemma. Lots of ghetto apartments have one cable jack only, in the living room. Everyone who moves in wants all 4 rooms hooked up, but can only have the living room installed. I have had entire families of section 8 dwellers screaming at me to hook up the other rooms, and I have to shrug and say sorry.
One time a woman was hysterical. She was on the phone with her auntie yelling how much of a douche I was. As I was hooking up her stuff in the living room, her 3 year old snuck up and tried to pick pocket my wallet.
I finished the install and stepped out. She was still yelling on the phone while walking between the other 4 rooms as I left.
I have to tell the rules to about 2 people a week. I'm not going to endanger my job because you want your kids to have tv's in their rooms. How about you sell the tv's, get rid of cable, and go buy a house with a yard away and some space. Your kids will thank you.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
The Dark Side
Like it or not, my city is still heavily segregated. Certain parts of town are heavily white, while others are heavily Latino, or heavily Black.
On this day, I am installing cable in a section 8 apt. complex and this specific apartment is owned by an elderly African American woman.
I am running cable around to the tv's in the rooms, and more specifically the bedroom. On the bed is two young black women. Feeling awkward I busily run the line. The grandmother comes in and sits on the bed with the young women. I can feel the 3 women watching me. I look over my shoulder, and the grandmother asks me a question.
"Ever been with a black woman before?"
Caught off guard I blurt out "Nope."
"Want to?"
It had the distinct feeling of pimpery. I could have pointed at one of the woman and said "Her." but instead I gulped hard and started talking about how awesome my wife is. Their eyes rolled, and I continued my work and got out of there.
On this day, I am installing cable in a section 8 apt. complex and this specific apartment is owned by an elderly African American woman.
I am running cable around to the tv's in the rooms, and more specifically the bedroom. On the bed is two young black women. Feeling awkward I busily run the line. The grandmother comes in and sits on the bed with the young women. I can feel the 3 women watching me. I look over my shoulder, and the grandmother asks me a question.
"Ever been with a black woman before?"
Caught off guard I blurt out "Nope."
"Want to?"
It had the distinct feeling of pimpery. I could have pointed at one of the woman and said "Her." but instead I gulped hard and started talking about how awesome my wife is. Their eyes rolled, and I continued my work and got out of there.
The Mexican and his Parrots
There is a house I have been to a couple times to fix/install things; an older 1st gen Mexican couple lives there. Their hobby is birds. They have several beautiful large parrots on perches around their house. The guy wears on on his shoulder.
I advise customer issue is coming from back bedroom, and ask is it ok if I go in there. Customer opens the door and while doing so says, "No, let me go get my parrot out of there, he likes to bite."
As soon as the word bite was uttered, my vision is filled with red flapping wing feathers and I feel a good pinch on the left side of my neck.
The damn bird flew out of the room, into my face, and bit me hard on the neck. Left a good bird hickey, but no blood thank goodness.
I advise customer issue is coming from back bedroom, and ask is it ok if I go in there. Customer opens the door and while doing so says, "No, let me go get my parrot out of there, he likes to bite."
As soon as the word bite was uttered, my vision is filled with red flapping wing feathers and I feel a good pinch on the left side of my neck.
The damn bird flew out of the room, into my face, and bit me hard on the neck. Left a good bird hickey, but no blood thank goodness.
First job of the morning
A cable guy has to be on site at 8:00am at one of his jobs. Most common is to find a disconnect or a quick connect near one's home to do. It is easy work to start the day on, and no customer contact.
I went to a quick connect, which is at the end of a circle ended dead end street. Circles provide minimal places to park, and as such I parked in the one spot that didn't block a driveway and was near the house I was to hook up.
I clock in, get out, and put my cones of safety out. The neighbor pulls up into his driveway, gets out, and asks if he can help me.
First job of the morning and still groggy. I stare at him for a second, and reply curtly, "No." Then I go about my business.
No's anger people, that is why I love them.
Neighbor starts saying I can't park there. Me, busy getting on my tool belt and not looking at him, tells him yes, it is public property. I can park here.
"How long you gonna be?"
"Oh, ten minutes."
"Well, I am going to put on a timer inside and you had better not be here in ten minutes."
I get done in about eight minutes, and then sit outside in my van doing my morning paperwork for another 10 just to piss him off.
I went to a quick connect, which is at the end of a circle ended dead end street. Circles provide minimal places to park, and as such I parked in the one spot that didn't block a driveway and was near the house I was to hook up.
I clock in, get out, and put my cones of safety out. The neighbor pulls up into his driveway, gets out, and asks if he can help me.
First job of the morning and still groggy. I stare at him for a second, and reply curtly, "No." Then I go about my business.
No's anger people, that is why I love them.
Neighbor starts saying I can't park there. Me, busy getting on my tool belt and not looking at him, tells him yes, it is public property. I can park here.
"How long you gonna be?"
"Oh, ten minutes."
"Well, I am going to put on a timer inside and you had better not be here in ten minutes."
I get done in about eight minutes, and then sit outside in my van doing my morning paperwork for another 10 just to piss him off.
Friday, January 17, 2014
The Quiet House
I went to a house to do a TC (trouble Call), and was told on the phone by a quiet gentleman to go to the back door.
I arrive and do as such. I am greeted by a man who smiles and talks in low whispers. He takes me inside where the usually yippy dogs jump my legs and bark, but rather than barking they gasp at me. Their barks are literal puffs of silent air. I ask him what's with the dogs, and he tells me they have been debarked. He walks me quietly around the house showing me the televisions that are acting up.
During the walk through he tells me the reason why everything has been quieted in the house, even the thick carpets. His wife, rather than losing her hearing in their advanced age, has actually had her hearing improve. The electrical wires in the walls which give off a natural hum that most people can't hear....are very loud to her and drive her nuts.
She wasn't there initially, and I doubted the guy thinking he may be crazy, but sure enough as I'm leaving she arrives home, and steps out of the car. On her head is a set of Bose noise cancelling headphones.
I arrive and do as such. I am greeted by a man who smiles and talks in low whispers. He takes me inside where the usually yippy dogs jump my legs and bark, but rather than barking they gasp at me. Their barks are literal puffs of silent air. I ask him what's with the dogs, and he tells me they have been debarked. He walks me quietly around the house showing me the televisions that are acting up.
During the walk through he tells me the reason why everything has been quieted in the house, even the thick carpets. His wife, rather than losing her hearing in their advanced age, has actually had her hearing improve. The electrical wires in the walls which give off a natural hum that most people can't hear....are very loud to her and drive her nuts.
She wasn't there initially, and I doubted the guy thinking he may be crazy, but sure enough as I'm leaving she arrives home, and steps out of the car. On her head is a set of Bose noise cancelling headphones.
The Dog Whisperer
It is a daily routine to be given disconnects (discos) to go do. Quite often a gate is locked, or there is a dog in the backyard that inhibits one from performing the job, and thus it will be rescheduled.
When doing installs however, all measures should be tried to get to that tap location to hook up the new customer and complete the install.
I was doing the feasibility walk around on a new install and went to go check out the pedestal that houses the tap. I peek over the fence to be greeted by the gaping maws of two German shepherds. The tap was right beside them. I went and knocked on the door, and no answer. No one was home to put these two mean dogs up.
I called dispatch and had an assist set up for a guy to come help and keep these dogs off me while I hooked up my customer. Ol' Buddy shows up. Him and I walk to the fence where I have a ladder set up, as the gate is locked also. He peeks over, sees the dogs, and pales. He comes off the ladder. "Dude, I'm a Cat guy. I don't think I can do that."
My mother wrote the book on Toy Fox Terriers. She judged dog shows of numerous breeds. I grew up helping in obedience classes. I looked at buddy and smiled. "Ok, I'll hop over, and keep them off of you. You hook up the customer. Can you do that?"
He nodded, and we did just that.
I hopped over and maintained eye contact. Dogs instinctively like to attack from behind. While I looked down one, the other would try to come around and get our sides. I waved a stick at the flanker, while keeping eye contact with the other. Then I would switch. After a few minutes of that, Buddy said he was done and I covered him while he hopped over. Then he gave me a hand up, and I followed.
The other cable guys talk poorly of Buddy, saying he's a lazy smoker. I know he helped me when I had to fend off two German Shepherds. Buddy's a good guy.
When doing installs however, all measures should be tried to get to that tap location to hook up the new customer and complete the install.
I was doing the feasibility walk around on a new install and went to go check out the pedestal that houses the tap. I peek over the fence to be greeted by the gaping maws of two German shepherds. The tap was right beside them. I went and knocked on the door, and no answer. No one was home to put these two mean dogs up.
I called dispatch and had an assist set up for a guy to come help and keep these dogs off me while I hooked up my customer. Ol' Buddy shows up. Him and I walk to the fence where I have a ladder set up, as the gate is locked also. He peeks over, sees the dogs, and pales. He comes off the ladder. "Dude, I'm a Cat guy. I don't think I can do that."
My mother wrote the book on Toy Fox Terriers. She judged dog shows of numerous breeds. I grew up helping in obedience classes. I looked at buddy and smiled. "Ok, I'll hop over, and keep them off of you. You hook up the customer. Can you do that?"
He nodded, and we did just that.
I hopped over and maintained eye contact. Dogs instinctively like to attack from behind. While I looked down one, the other would try to come around and get our sides. I waved a stick at the flanker, while keeping eye contact with the other. Then I would switch. After a few minutes of that, Buddy said he was done and I covered him while he hopped over. Then he gave me a hand up, and I followed.
The other cable guys talk poorly of Buddy, saying he's a lazy smoker. I know he helped me when I had to fend off two German Shepherds. Buddy's a good guy.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
My Manager
My manager told me a story about when he was a cable guy in the olden days. He was quite proud of it. He was collecting payments from non-pays. It was his duty to go up and let them know to pay, or he was going to shut them off, and he did it with a smile.
One gentleman got in a fury. I don't have to pay this shit! I won't do it. He merely smiled back "Ok." and went to go get his climbing gear on. The big fat gentleman ran out, red in the face, waving a check. "Damn it! Take it! I want my tv on!"
My manager took the check, removed the gear, and watched the man huff back into the house.
My manager went down the street to the next house and was talking to the lady about paying when an ambulance arrived at the gentleman's house. He watched as the fat man was wheeled out on a stretcher into the ambulance.
To this day my manager gloats about how he infuriated a man to death.
One gentleman got in a fury. I don't have to pay this shit! I won't do it. He merely smiled back "Ok." and went to go get his climbing gear on. The big fat gentleman ran out, red in the face, waving a check. "Damn it! Take it! I want my tv on!"
My manager took the check, removed the gear, and watched the man huff back into the house.
My manager went down the street to the next house and was talking to the lady about paying when an ambulance arrived at the gentleman's house. He watched as the fat man was wheeled out on a stretcher into the ambulance.
To this day my manager gloats about how he infuriated a man to death.
Get off my lawn!
People tend to flock together, living near others of similar ages and income. One such neighborhood is full of well to do old people. In there I have met grey haired old people with pictures of numerous presidents shaking hands with them, and others who have houses full of oriental treasures. One such old person I backed up his driveway to get to his house, but had to stop. The houses are very close together, and his neighbor was up on a ladder painting his house. I had to get out, and figure out how to maneuver my van around him and his ladder right next to the driveway. I do so, but had to swing the van in an S curve to avoid him.
6 inches of my tires went off the driveway and onto his lawn. The very old man got off his ladder and started banging on my window, cursing me for hurting his lawn. I get out, survey the damage, stifle a laugh, and call my manager out. I fix the guy's house who I was there for, while my manager dealt with senior loco.
I fix the problem, and wave the guy off.
Manager gave him his number to call.
The guy lights up his phone for a week demanding to know where I live so he could come and pull up my lawn to replace his own. My manager and I both laughed about it for a while.
6 inches of my tires went off the driveway and onto his lawn. The very old man got off his ladder and started banging on my window, cursing me for hurting his lawn. I get out, survey the damage, stifle a laugh, and call my manager out. I fix the guy's house who I was there for, while my manager dealt with senior loco.
I fix the problem, and wave the guy off.
Manager gave him his number to call.
The guy lights up his phone for a week demanding to know where I live so he could come and pull up my lawn to replace his own. My manager and I both laughed about it for a while.
The Poop room
There is a part of town where all the young bars are. It is the affluent, yuppyish, well to do part of town where things are nice and the people gather to socialize. It is usually no big deal to work over there, other than the fact the houses are historical and need new wiring, but the people and insides are generally nice.
One house I approached looked just like all the others on the outside. It was a 1940's brick home, with newer remodeling done. The home owner opens the door and I enter. Inside is the typical pier 1 layout. All the prints on the walls, the pillows, the furniture, all run of the mill current style. The one peculiarity was the smell.
It was the smell of what I imagined a large fruit plantation would smell like after the harvest rain. All the leftover fruits have fallen into the leaf litter and begun to rot along with the fertilizer laid down for next year. All of that, but wet and moldy. It was quite odd, and nothing I had ever smelt before. I had a job to do, so I ignored it and started surveying the television for the reasons it was acting up.
My investigation led me to believe the issue may be outside, and I asked the customer the best way to get out back. "Should I go around front, or do you have a back door?"
The customer smiled, and with a motion of his hand said, "Follow me through the poop room."
He led on down a hall, and to a room with a door leading outside on the opposite end of it. Between me and the door was a room sized chocolate cake, with a thin slice cut from the middle of it. There was several inches of caked dog shit covering the floor except for the path that was worn down by continual paws treading over it. With a gag I tread through, and made it outside. I redid the outside and had the customer check the tv to see if it worked. Thank the goddess it did.
One house I approached looked just like all the others on the outside. It was a 1940's brick home, with newer remodeling done. The home owner opens the door and I enter. Inside is the typical pier 1 layout. All the prints on the walls, the pillows, the furniture, all run of the mill current style. The one peculiarity was the smell.
It was the smell of what I imagined a large fruit plantation would smell like after the harvest rain. All the leftover fruits have fallen into the leaf litter and begun to rot along with the fertilizer laid down for next year. All of that, but wet and moldy. It was quite odd, and nothing I had ever smelt before. I had a job to do, so I ignored it and started surveying the television for the reasons it was acting up.
My investigation led me to believe the issue may be outside, and I asked the customer the best way to get out back. "Should I go around front, or do you have a back door?"
The customer smiled, and with a motion of his hand said, "Follow me through the poop room."
He led on down a hall, and to a room with a door leading outside on the opposite end of it. Between me and the door was a room sized chocolate cake, with a thin slice cut from the middle of it. There was several inches of caked dog shit covering the floor except for the path that was worn down by continual paws treading over it. With a gag I tread through, and made it outside. I redid the outside and had the customer check the tv to see if it worked. Thank the goddess it did.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Loose Dogs
Working for a long time for a cable company you tend to get to know your town. You learn the histories of the people who you encounter. You know what happens in certain neighborhoods.
I worked on a house on the edge of town, I forget doing what, but it was semi rural, with the neighbor an acre or two a way. I remember that the guy had a big loose dog. It was intrusive, in my face, barking, and liked to run up and down the road a lot.
A while later I worked on his neighbor's house doing an install. I was hooking everything up and the dog came over and started chasing the dogs of the guy whose house I was working on. The guy proceeded to tell me about the dog, and how it annoyed all the neighbors, and the guy never chained it or apologized for its behavior.
Year later I go back to fix the guy's cable from house 1, who owned the big loose dog. I am fixing his cable and I mention his dog. He gets a sad face, then an angry one. "Ya some asshole poisoned him! Who the fuck would do that?"
He had no clue about how his dog affected his neighbors, and I kept silent about it.
Moral: Raise a prick dog, and someone will potentially poison it.
I will admit after an hour being up an a pole with little yippy rat dogs barking on me, sometimes I feel like cooking up some rat killer biscuits. I never have though out of fear of the Thinner effect. Eat your own pie boy!
I worked on a house on the edge of town, I forget doing what, but it was semi rural, with the neighbor an acre or two a way. I remember that the guy had a big loose dog. It was intrusive, in my face, barking, and liked to run up and down the road a lot.
A while later I worked on his neighbor's house doing an install. I was hooking everything up and the dog came over and started chasing the dogs of the guy whose house I was working on. The guy proceeded to tell me about the dog, and how it annoyed all the neighbors, and the guy never chained it or apologized for its behavior.
Year later I go back to fix the guy's cable from house 1, who owned the big loose dog. I am fixing his cable and I mention his dog. He gets a sad face, then an angry one. "Ya some asshole poisoned him! Who the fuck would do that?"
He had no clue about how his dog affected his neighbors, and I kept silent about it.
Moral: Raise a prick dog, and someone will potentially poison it.
I will admit after an hour being up an a pole with little yippy rat dogs barking on me, sometimes I feel like cooking up some rat killer biscuits. I never have though out of fear of the Thinner effect. Eat your own pie boy!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
The apartments by the river.
I have two stories I wished to share that occurred in the same apartment complex.
My company has a policy about backing up. Do everything you can to not back up. 25% of all company vehicle accidents happen while backing up even though we back up 1% of the time.
Taking that into consideration here I am driving around this parking lot looking for a good parking spot. I go through a narrow area between two buildings. A lady is blindly backing out of a spot (too small for my van) and I see she doesn't care about backing out in front of my moving vehicle. On the other side of this drive area between parking spots is a landscaper sitting in his truck with a trailer behind it.
She backs out, and rather than back with her back to my vehicle and go out the open way, she does the opposite and has her car facing me. She backs out and expects me to back up to let her out. Behind her is open air and exit.
I can't back up, I cannot see behind me, and I have no one to guide my backing. I sit and look at her. She starts flipping out in her vehicle. I smile as she screams at me like a twisted angry mime.
I have my window down, as does the landscaper. He looks at me, I look at him, and he nods, pulling out to let the crazy freak lady leave.
The second story is down a few buildings in the same complex.
I am parked waiting for work. La dee da, nothing going on. I watch two people conversing wildly, their hands moving. One person has the face of Hun uh, no way on. The two walk over towards my van. I expect the usual, hey can I have something for free routine and look forward to waving them away, so I roll down the window. Instead of focused on me, they stop and look down at the grease spot in the empty parking spot next to me. I look at it, and then ask. "What's up?"
They point down to the spot and tell me that a guy was beat to death right there this morning, and that is a blood spot. Whoa.
My company has a policy about backing up. Do everything you can to not back up. 25% of all company vehicle accidents happen while backing up even though we back up 1% of the time.
Taking that into consideration here I am driving around this parking lot looking for a good parking spot. I go through a narrow area between two buildings. A lady is blindly backing out of a spot (too small for my van) and I see she doesn't care about backing out in front of my moving vehicle. On the other side of this drive area between parking spots is a landscaper sitting in his truck with a trailer behind it.
She backs out, and rather than back with her back to my vehicle and go out the open way, she does the opposite and has her car facing me. She backs out and expects me to back up to let her out. Behind her is open air and exit.
I can't back up, I cannot see behind me, and I have no one to guide my backing. I sit and look at her. She starts flipping out in her vehicle. I smile as she screams at me like a twisted angry mime.
I have my window down, as does the landscaper. He looks at me, I look at him, and he nods, pulling out to let the crazy freak lady leave.
The second story is down a few buildings in the same complex.
I am parked waiting for work. La dee da, nothing going on. I watch two people conversing wildly, their hands moving. One person has the face of Hun uh, no way on. The two walk over towards my van. I expect the usual, hey can I have something for free routine and look forward to waving them away, so I roll down the window. Instead of focused on me, they stop and look down at the grease spot in the empty parking spot next to me. I look at it, and then ask. "What's up?"
They point down to the spot and tell me that a guy was beat to death right there this morning, and that is a blood spot. Whoa.
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