There is a part of town where you only have to mention it's name, and you will receive a sympathetic nod.
There the people have few teeth. It is not uncommon to have to chase off roving bands of large wild dogs. Dead cats bloat in the ditches beside the road. You can peek through the cracks in the walls. You have to climb over the stack of washing machines to get up the telephone pole. I have had conversations with customers about how hard it is to quit meth, and how he plans to go buy some after I leave. I have been informed about what it means to be a Juggalo, and I acted like I didn't know just to hear him talk.
It is an interesting part of town.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
The ugliest thing you've ever seen
There has been two instances in which a customer asked me if I wanted to see the ugliest thing I have ever seen.
The first was in a dilapidated apartment complex. I forget what the problem was, but the customer was in the center of the room in a wheel chair. She asked the question. I was stunned, and worried what I was about to see next, when she lifted her shirt up. In between her bra cups, was a kind of gap. Where the sternum should be was a soft spot, and you could see her heart or organs moving behind it. The lighting of the room made her pale skin take on a greenish hue.
The second time was pretty cool actually. Two people in chairs wave me in the front door. They were like the grandparents in Willy Wonka, and didn't get up...seeming to live in the chairs. They had mini fridges nearby.
Their issue was the his and hers televisions. If she changed the channel to her tv on the right side of the room, his tv on the left side would change channels also. For the fix I cut up some soda boxes they had, and made an infrared directional tube to direct only their remotes at their tvs. While fixing I was standing next to an empty terrarium. Noticing my puzzled look, the man told me. "Ya, I had a pet cobra."
I look at him.
Without any sign of sarcasm. "He's around here somewhere, let me know if you see him."
I about flip out. I'm looking all over for the hiding cobra, and both he and her start laughing.
That is when she asks. I tell them, "I've seen some ugly things. I don't know if I do or not."
She points me over to a salt water aquarium. Inside was one of those large sucker fish, and it had tentacles all over its head.
I smile. "Nope, not the ugliest thing I've ever seen."
The first was in a dilapidated apartment complex. I forget what the problem was, but the customer was in the center of the room in a wheel chair. She asked the question. I was stunned, and worried what I was about to see next, when she lifted her shirt up. In between her bra cups, was a kind of gap. Where the sternum should be was a soft spot, and you could see her heart or organs moving behind it. The lighting of the room made her pale skin take on a greenish hue.
The second time was pretty cool actually. Two people in chairs wave me in the front door. They were like the grandparents in Willy Wonka, and didn't get up...seeming to live in the chairs. They had mini fridges nearby.
Their issue was the his and hers televisions. If she changed the channel to her tv on the right side of the room, his tv on the left side would change channels also. For the fix I cut up some soda boxes they had, and made an infrared directional tube to direct only their remotes at their tvs. While fixing I was standing next to an empty terrarium. Noticing my puzzled look, the man told me. "Ya, I had a pet cobra."
I look at him.
Without any sign of sarcasm. "He's around here somewhere, let me know if you see him."
I about flip out. I'm looking all over for the hiding cobra, and both he and her start laughing.
That is when she asks. I tell them, "I've seen some ugly things. I don't know if I do or not."
She points me over to a salt water aquarium. Inside was one of those large sucker fish, and it had tentacles all over its head.
I smile. "Nope, not the ugliest thing I've ever seen."
Native
Installing government paid for phone at a residence. The place was hard to find. It wasn't a house, but a tin shed, with an add on. He was an old Native American, and his two adult children lived with him. Nearby was a cleared foundation. He tells me how his house burned down two years ago, and the tribe said they would rebuild it. They had been putting him off the entire time. They shared a single room, and it was littered with garbage, and had beds on the floor. While leaving, I noticed a bath tub filled with soapy water. I hadn't noticed it because it was hidden from the road by a sheet of plywood.
Father, son and daughter were all missing numerous teeth.
Father, son and daughter were all missing numerous teeth.
Very odd Couple
Our company does alarms now. I am hooking one up for a couple and noticed peculiarities in the house. They want several closet doors rigged with sensors, which I have never heard of before. The job itself is easy. The weird thing was the man and the woman. The entire time I was there they referred to each other as Bro, and Sis. When I was getting near to done, they were sitting on the couch in the living room watching television and holding hands. As I walked back and forth hooking up rooms, I caught them out of the corner of my eye kissing several times.
I usually don't jump to conclusions, and just figured they had weird pet names.
My friend went back out there to hook up more televisions a week later. He said their mom was there, confirmed brother and sister, and he saw the kissing also.
I usually don't jump to conclusions, and just figured they had weird pet names.
My friend went back out there to hook up more televisions a week later. He said their mom was there, confirmed brother and sister, and he saw the kissing also.
Can I help you
Disconnects are a great way to start the day. You don't have to talk to anyone, and it lets you get to a job at 8 am with no drama.
I arrive at a disconnect and park in the circle court of a dead end street. I put out my cones, and am getting my tool belt on when the neighbor drives up and parks near me. He gets out, and approaches.
"Can I help you?" he asks, with anger in his brows.
"Nope." I smile and start walking toward the pedestal, my van clicking locked.
"You can't park there!" He replies.
I look back at my van., and then at him. "Yes, I can."
"I'm going to call the cops!"
"Ok." still walking to do the job, approaching the fence. "Call em, I'll be done and gone in 10 minutes."
Grumbling. "Oh, Ok. If you're not gone in 10 minutes, I'll have them out here!" and he storms off.
I get done, and sit there for 15 minutes. I notice him looking out window, and smile.
The guy had a theft tag on his line, which marked him as having been a previous stealer of cable at some point.
I arrive at a disconnect and park in the circle court of a dead end street. I put out my cones, and am getting my tool belt on when the neighbor drives up and parks near me. He gets out, and approaches.
"Can I help you?" he asks, with anger in his brows.
"Nope." I smile and start walking toward the pedestal, my van clicking locked.
"You can't park there!" He replies.
I look back at my van., and then at him. "Yes, I can."
"I'm going to call the cops!"
"Ok." still walking to do the job, approaching the fence. "Call em, I'll be done and gone in 10 minutes."
Grumbling. "Oh, Ok. If you're not gone in 10 minutes, I'll have them out here!" and he storms off.
I get done, and sit there for 15 minutes. I notice him looking out window, and smile.
The guy had a theft tag on his line, which marked him as having been a previous stealer of cable at some point.
Slow Internet
I arrive at a couple's house. He has tattoo's and military paraphernalia around the house. She has a neck tattoo.
They are complaining that their internet is slow. Before I walked up to the house I was able to see their modem is newer, Docsis 3, and that it has good signal/ up for 23 days. The odds are really likely that their computers or equipment is the issue. I explained this over the phone. 15 minutes talking to her, and she decided ya come out, even if there is a charge.
I show up, test the signal. My meter shows 190 mbps down, and 40 mbps up. That is ridiculous. On their xbox he gets 44 down, and 3 up. On her computer 44 down, and 3 up. Odd. I know its not the signal, so investigate the modem. I lift it up, and roaches crawl out. I shake it, and roach dust/carapaces fall out. I tell her, it's not the cable, it's the equipment. I then proceed to inform her how roaches like the glue in electronics, and proper sanitation techniques.
They are complaining that their internet is slow. Before I walked up to the house I was able to see their modem is newer, Docsis 3, and that it has good signal/ up for 23 days. The odds are really likely that their computers or equipment is the issue. I explained this over the phone. 15 minutes talking to her, and she decided ya come out, even if there is a charge.
I show up, test the signal. My meter shows 190 mbps down, and 40 mbps up. That is ridiculous. On their xbox he gets 44 down, and 3 up. On her computer 44 down, and 3 up. Odd. I know its not the signal, so investigate the modem. I lift it up, and roaches crawl out. I shake it, and roach dust/carapaces fall out. I tell her, it's not the cable, it's the equipment. I then proceed to inform her how roaches like the glue in electronics, and proper sanitation techniques.
Conservatives
Walking up a long driveway, I notice the George Bush 04' sticker on the car. Sure enough, the guy answers the door slightly agitated. Fox News is playing in the background. I ask about the problem with the internet. He tells me it's slow. I ask to see the modem, and he has his son lead me upstairs to the attic....no modem in the attic.
I ask the son, where is the router location. The son, "Oh ya," takes me to the router location, but the dad stops me, upset. He didn't know I had to access the room, even though that is where the modem/computers are, and it is the sole reason I was there. Radio shack splitters, on line to modem. I take them off and it works fine.
I have dealt with many conservatives, and know the warning signs. Heightened aggression, crosses all over the house, republican paraphernalia, Fox News, and when I see any of these I go into hyper careful mode. I tone down my vocabulary and explain how cable works as if I were talking to a 3 year old. I become super polite, as any swift move or large word will set them off. I do the minimum to complete the job and get out of there. Very rarely am I able to have any meaningful conversation with them. It is mostly, "Let me tell you about everything I think is important, and ignore your presence," or I am just the help.
The treat them as if they are special technique has proven to work wonders, with minimal stress.
I ask the son, where is the router location. The son, "Oh ya," takes me to the router location, but the dad stops me, upset. He didn't know I had to access the room, even though that is where the modem/computers are, and it is the sole reason I was there. Radio shack splitters, on line to modem. I take them off and it works fine.
I have dealt with many conservatives, and know the warning signs. Heightened aggression, crosses all over the house, republican paraphernalia, Fox News, and when I see any of these I go into hyper careful mode. I tone down my vocabulary and explain how cable works as if I were talking to a 3 year old. I become super polite, as any swift move or large word will set them off. I do the minimum to complete the job and get out of there. Very rarely am I able to have any meaningful conversation with them. It is mostly, "Let me tell you about everything I think is important, and ignore your presence," or I am just the help.
The treat them as if they are special technique has proven to work wonders, with minimal stress.
Ground hornets
I arrive at a residence, duplex, to fix an issue with the television. The guy on one side of the house is wired into the other, and is stealing cable. The backfeed from his crap wires are screwing up the digital television in the subscribed person's house.
That is all standard stuff, the cool thing about this work order was the yard outside. All across the yard, yellow and black striped wasps were hovering over the ground. It was like a grid, I had to carry my ladder through the yard, and just walked between them as they hovered in place. I even called a nearby friend/coworker to come out and see this. I completed the entire job, walking through them repeatedly, and not a one moved to attack. They just kept on hovering as if I wasn't there. There were hundreds of them. Ground wasp
That's what they looked like. I found out more about them at a museum in St. Louis.
That is all standard stuff, the cool thing about this work order was the yard outside. All across the yard, yellow and black striped wasps were hovering over the ground. It was like a grid, I had to carry my ladder through the yard, and just walked between them as they hovered in place. I even called a nearby friend/coworker to come out and see this. I completed the entire job, walking through them repeatedly, and not a one moved to attack. They just kept on hovering as if I wasn't there. There were hundreds of them. Ground wasp
Winter Time
Ice storm, lines down all over town. Most cable guys can't get out of their neighborhoods, but I made it out, and am out fixing what I can. Day is light, work is sporadic and all over town.
I have a work order for phone being out, and the name on the work order is old. I have to get out there and fix it, no telling if this old lady is in trouble, as there isn't a cell phone to ring her. Her house is on the far side of town out in the country.
To get there, I have to go down a hill in a suburb. I ease down the ice, slow and steady. I let gravity move me, and hold off as much as I can on the break, no gas. The van starts to spin around. I am sideways, looking out the passenger window down the hill. I keep sliding. There is a car parked at the curb coming up. I floor it, wheels spinning, and manage to slide past the car, my bumper an inch away. I come to a stop at the bottom of the hill, awesome!
I arrive at the old ladies house and plug her phone into the wall. Problem fixed. Was happy for the awesome successful sideways slide, didn't get pissed.
I have a work order for phone being out, and the name on the work order is old. I have to get out there and fix it, no telling if this old lady is in trouble, as there isn't a cell phone to ring her. Her house is on the far side of town out in the country.
To get there, I have to go down a hill in a suburb. I ease down the ice, slow and steady. I let gravity move me, and hold off as much as I can on the break, no gas. The van starts to spin around. I am sideways, looking out the passenger window down the hill. I keep sliding. There is a car parked at the curb coming up. I floor it, wheels spinning, and manage to slide past the car, my bumper an inch away. I come to a stop at the bottom of the hill, awesome!
I arrive at the old ladies house and plug her phone into the wall. Problem fixed. Was happy for the awesome successful sideways slide, didn't get pissed.
Friday, September 19, 2014
The proper way to tip
Working for a cable company, we technicians are not supposed to receive tips. If you ask us, we will tell you, no it's ok, please don't. I have said this to many many people, and turned down lots of extra cash, because if I get caught taking tips it would be detrimental to my working status.
I was doing an install at an apartment when the age old question came up, can you run cords to all the other rooms in the apartment that don't have outlets. The guy was a Russian, thick accent, awesome to listen to, but I still had to turn him down because it is against MDU policy (which was covered in a previous post.)
The guy BS'd with me for a while, stating how hard it would be for his wife to not have tv etc while I was installing his internet. He didn't hassle or get upset, just talked about what it was like in his shoes. I apologized again as I made my way to leave after the job was complete. The guy sticks his hand out, looks me in the eye, and smiles while he shook my hand. He didn't say anything, but I could feel the cash pressed between our palms. I smiled back, "You know, I may have some extra cable laying around that I'm not using. What gets hooked up after I'm gone isn't on me."
He nodded, and patted me on the back while I went and made him some long jumpers for the other bedrooms.
Mafia style FTW.
I was doing an install at an apartment when the age old question came up, can you run cords to all the other rooms in the apartment that don't have outlets. The guy was a Russian, thick accent, awesome to listen to, but I still had to turn him down because it is against MDU policy (which was covered in a previous post.)
The guy BS'd with me for a while, stating how hard it would be for his wife to not have tv etc while I was installing his internet. He didn't hassle or get upset, just talked about what it was like in his shoes. I apologized again as I made my way to leave after the job was complete. The guy sticks his hand out, looks me in the eye, and smiles while he shook my hand. He didn't say anything, but I could feel the cash pressed between our palms. I smiled back, "You know, I may have some extra cable laying around that I'm not using. What gets hooked up after I'm gone isn't on me."
He nodded, and patted me on the back while I went and made him some long jumpers for the other bedrooms.
Mafia style FTW.
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